Oh.

In 2 months, I will be graduating from The Culinary Institute of America. I am not sure how I feel. Of course I am excited but, after this, this is it man. There's no more plans after this, it's just work, work work. I am so thankful that I found a job. I am very excited to return to Le Bernardin. Making poundeds, hamachi rolls, getting yelled at. I just don't know how to feel right now. I've always been a planner. I knew that after high school, I wanted to go to CIA; I knew four months in advance where I wanted to extern. I knew where I wanted to work. And now, I do not know where I am going after Le Bernardin and it is awfully scary.

Four months has gone by so fast. I have taken the most amazing yet challenging wine class. And there has been classes where I feel like it's a waste of time.


I want to congradulate my beautiful friend Angela who is graduating this week. She is a phenomenal person, and very best luck to you :)

3 more days until Baking is over.

...I finally received the 5 out of 5 I have been wanting. It's going to be my first and last. I've come close getting 4.5's...It was the last day of piping and I must say, I have improved. I am not sure about piping borders...I think it's because I wrote five points in Chinese that Chef finally gave me a "5"


I've become more discouraged as class goes by. I can't deal with people in Farq Hall. It's disappointing to hear people just say "I'm going to take a day off/break today."And all those talks about how "passionate" you are. Please... Honestly, what the hell are you doing at this school if your hearts not in it? It's not like this school is cheap or anything. I know I shouldn't have other people's attitude affect mine but it gets discouraging. I think it makes the rest of the people who actually gives a damn look bad.

Oh well,
October, please come sooner.

Baking for Culinary Student

It's only Day 5 and my patience is running low. And that's only from scaling and weighing ingredients. I get frustrated way too easy and I'm ONLY getting mis en place.

Piping, man oh man. I give baking and pastry students so much more props for this after realizing how hard it is just to make the piping bag from parchment. It took me at least 30 minutes to figure out how to make it and then another 3 hours to pipe a pattern...

My goal is to get a 5 out of 5 for my piping board. So far I've only gotten 4 out of 5. Gah .




I'll eventually be supa! amazing one day.

I don't think I have given the opportunity for myself to write about externship. Even if I have, it's been vague and indirect. I don't think it does it justice and I want to write about it while it is still fresh in my mind.

...Where do I even begin?

I took a strong interest in fish fabrication after taking the Fish class at the Culinary. After that class, I had conversed with the Chef Instructors asking them if they would let me "cut." Ever since then, I had gone to the fish kitchen nearly everyday after my regular kitchen class to help out the class. I took my best effort to show up everyday, and I think I just missed a total of eight days since the beginning of Skills 1 up to Garde Manger. There were times when there was no fish to cut and I would sit through lecture and familiarize myself with Fish I.D. People would used to call me "fish girl" because I could never scrub the smell of fish off of my hands.

As Skills 2 started to end, I had began my search for an externship site. I am a planner, I like to be ahead and had never like to procrastinate. I knew that if I wanted to have a good site, I needed to start now. But the fact was, I had no idea where to look. I didn't grow up in a family that cooked. It was mainly microwave dinner or HUNGRYMAN ribs. Or there was the occasional Campbell's Chunky Soup watered down by my mother. I didn't have cable either so the food network channel was all a mystery to me. I barely knew who Emeril, Cat Cora, or any of the food media stars were. The only reason I knew about Tony was because I read his book. So anyways, I consulted with my Skills instructor and the restaurant, Le Bernardin, came up. I had never heard of it. But the second chef I consulted also told me that restaurant would be an excellent choice. I went to trail twice and was amazed by what I saw. And, I don't know why but some magic happened, and I got it.

I had only applied to three other places: LB, Oceana, and Morimoto. For a while, I wanted to be a sushi chef but after staging at all three places, I knew that this, this was it. I had never wanted anything more in my life. I didn't just want it like a little campfire, I wanted it like forest fire gone wild. And after my second trail, I got what I wanted and it was the most amazing feeling. I was on top of the world for that one night when Chef Chris said, we'll take you as an extern at Le Bernardin.

It's funny how I was so excited to start working there and then, I was dying to leave. It might seem like a joke to people, but it was so hard for me to get through day by day. My experience is limited and, goddamnit, this is a three Michelin star restaurant. I felt out of place and lost. I didn't know what I was doing there but at the same time, I knew that this is exactly what I needed. And of course, there were many tears that came along. I wanted to quit cooking, I wanted to just quit everything because the cooks were so talented and I couldn't even fucking brunoise a cucmber correctly without getting screamed at. I thought it was impossible for me to be at their level. Even now, I sometimes question my ability as a cook. I mean, it's sad but I don't know how to cook. I am at a culinary school but that doesn't necesary make me any better of a cook.

Externship was a rollarcoaster. I am certain that this industry is made for crazy, obsessive, arrogant, bitchy assholes. And well, I am paying money to be one of them some day. This whole experience has made me taught me so many things. I am more certain of what I want to do and who I want to become.



Six more months before I graduate...

12:27 AM

I am going to start writing again.

I'm going to write about my time at the Culinary and many other food adventures that I will come across in the near future. 

:)